Behind the curtain

Someone recently said I strike her as a mom who “has it together.” When I finished laughing, I told her I, in fact, do not have a clue what I am doing. The seat of my pants are worn the heck out because that is the only way I fly.

By Jess Heid john's mom works

By Jess Heid
john’s mom works

So today, I am pulling back the curtain. Here is a completely transparent glimpse of what just a morning in the life of John (and Charlie’s) mom looks like.

5:00am Alarm. Snooze.

5:09am Alarm. I should really get up. But I’m so tired. Snooze.

5:18am Alarm. DANG! I have to get up. Dear lord why did I sleep so late? PANIC.

5:19am Shower. Maybe. Assuming I didn’t give in to the allure of one more snooze.

5:27am Blow dry hair. If I showered, that’s why it’s wet. If I skipped a shower, it’s wet from running it under the faucet so I don’t look like a human qtip.

5:32am Finish my makeup. Supposed to be already waking up big brother.

5:34am Let the dog out.

5:35am Make my energy/vitamin drink.

5:37am Pick John up out of his bed to snuggle him awake.

5:38am Put screaming John back in his bed and tell him I will be in the kitchen getting things ready if he needs me.

5:39am Where is my drink? In John’s room.

5:40am Pack lunch for me. Pack breakfast for John.

5:41am Let the dog in before his barking wakes the neighborhood.

5:42am Hug John more before his screaming wakes the neighborhood. Tell him he can play for a while before it’s time to get ready.

5:43am Have I made my lunch yet? Finish making lunch. Finish packing milk/42 outfit changes/fresh crib sheets for Charlie.

5:44am Charlie. I’m supposed to be waking him up and nursing him right now.

5:45am Have I made my lunch yet? Halfway. Finish making lunch. Find John’s breakfast. I swear I packed it. It’s back in the fridge. Why is it in the fridge? Take my vitamins. Where is my lunch? Where is the dog? I’m supposed to be waking Charlie up and John’s not even dressed yet.

5:55am Wrangle wiggly John into his bathroom for the quickest potty/dress/teeth brushing his little self can manage … which still takes 15 minutes when I allow time for the story about the dragon, the argument about the fact that he does NOT need to potty, and 4,085 reminders to wash his hands and come back in the bathroom because he only has one sock.

6:10am Charlie’s crying. Guess he’s hungry.

6:11am Send barely-dressed-and-groomed John back to his room to play for a few more minutes.

6:12am Change Charlie’s diaper and get him dressed. Realize all of his clean clothes are in the laundry room. Put him back in his crib with a toy so he won’t scream. Grab clothes. Pick him up. Tell John to stop throwing things. Dress Charlie.

6:15am We’re supposed to be gone already. I am just sitting down to nurse the baby. At least it will be a moment of quiet time.

6:16am Remind John that Charlie’s room while Charlie’s nursing is not the place to practice his cymbals for a parade. (I’m not making this up.)

6:17am Remind John that Charlie’s room while Charlie’s nursing is not the place to demonstrate his karate skills. (For real.)

6:25am Charlie’s done – maybe it was just a snack? He’s laughing at big brother’s interpretive dance to “Let It Go.”

6:26am Leave Charlie watching John wiggle so I can run back to my room for shoes, jewelry, and to brush my teeth.

6:32am Finally load everyone in the car. It’s not a big deal that we’re already supposed to be at daycare, right?

6:50am Drop kids at daycare.

6:57am Blast loud music as I drive to work hoping that traffic will be forgiving and I will still make it by 7:30.

Not the agenda of a mom who has it together. But it IS the agenda of a mom who’s trying, so to anyone else out there, take heart: we can do this.

Pay no attention to the frazzled woman behind the curtain.




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