Workshop series aims to teach how to achieve ‘a new normal’
By Kevin Spradlin
PeeDeePost.com
Progress in western civilization can be admired for many things — skyscrapers, the Internet and flight, including space exploration, to name a few.
But one thing westerners don’t have a firm grasp on, at least in mainstream society, is death. In fact, said Pam Easterling, of Sandhills Alternative Academy in Rockingham, people generally shy away from saying someone’s dead. Easterling said she once discussed the topic with a local doctor. Why, she asked, wasn’t the word “dead” or “died” used when breaking bad news to a family member? The doctor said that it’s because the news is already “such a blow to families.”
Easterling countered that understanding there has been a loss is one step closer to acceptance — one of the five steps of grief as pioneered by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross.
“Thank God death cannot destroy memories,” Easterling said. “We can start a new normal. That doesn’t mean we’ve got to get rid of those memories. It doesn’t mean that person won’t live forever within our children. You don’t have to feel guilty about beginning a new normal.”
When experiencing loss, “your whole life changes.”
And the emotions that come with loss or significant change in one’s life don’t only result from death of a family member. Easterling said it could be the loss of a family pet, a change in relationship status, job relocation or loss and more. Regardless of what triggered grief, she said, there’s a way to accept what happened and move on.
In February, Easterling’s cat of more than 17 years died.
“I was completely devastated,” she said. “I still come in the house and wait for her to meow, wait for her to wake me up at 4 o’clock in the morning because she wants some warm milk.”
But Easterling is able to move on — without forgetting her cat — by talking about it.
“The main thing is telling your story,” Easterling said. “Feel good about telling your story.”
When her father was killed, Easterling said, she learned a valuable lesson from funeral home director Bobby Layman.
“He said one thing you need to always remember: joy shared is joy enhanced, grief shared is grief diminished.’ I don’t know if he thought that up or if he read it somewhere, but I’ve never forgotten that.”
Easterling is spearheading a six-week grief workshop, from 6 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. each Tuesday from Sept. 23 through Oct. 28, to help teach others how to help others become more comfortable telling of their experiences. The workshops will meet at Sandhills Alternative Academy, located at 503 Rockingham Road, at the intersection of Rockingham Road and East Franklin Street.
The idea, she said, is that those who attend the workshop will have enough knowledge to begin their own support groups.
Kübler-Ross’ five stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance — don’t, Easterling said, come in any particular order. Easterling shared one story in which a woman’s husband had died two years earlier. Finally, the woman began attending a support group but would not talk. Her quality of life has deteriorated; she neglected her housekeeping duties and though middle-aged, had moved back in with her parents.
At one support group meeting, there was a series of funny stories shared — and the woman, Easterling said, finally opened up.
“She ended up opening up that night,” Easterling said, “and she laughed and she laughed. She ended up forming her own support group.”
There is no cost for the workshop and no need to register. Those with questions can call Easterling at Sandhills Alternative Academy at 910-417-4922.