Wow.
I just can’t wrap my mind around this.
I’m in disbelief.
Those are posts on social media by friends, acquaintances and strangers — at least to me — since Saturday’s startling news. I’m in agreement with all of the above, and then some.
In my neck of the woods up north, a fellow runner and friend took his life only a few days after being diagnosed with an adrenal gland tumor (and only a couple days after turning 43).
Cancer. I don’t know the prognosis. From Matt’s Facebook post on Aug. 5, he indicated surgery in Hershey, Pa., was needed — and that he was a “lucky winner” of the cancer lottery because only 1 in 100,000 get this type of tumor.
Matt said doctors believed the tumor to be benign, but were going to conduct further testing to be sure.
As I recall, Matt and I met on lazy spring afternoon four or five years ago in Washington County, Md. I was on site working on designing and measuring a new cross country course that was to be used as a charity fundraiser.
The course got two thumbs up from Matt, and the charity race netted more than $30,000 — the largest single fundraiser in my low-key running club’s modest six-year history.
Matt’s story into running, what I know of it, at least, is not quite unique anymore but no less inspiring. A standout runner at Pennsylvania high school, Matt left the sport and indulged in unhealthy habits over the next decade or two. I believe it was in his late 30s he decided to pick up running again. In the beginning, nearly every photo of him running showed him wearing a shirt in honor and memory of his mother.
I’m not sure if it was the loss of his mother that spurred him to make the most of life, but anything Matt did, he did with gusto. Over a short period of time, he shed the extra, and unnecessary, pounds and became a fleeter, faster version of his post-high school self.
And he became really fast. As he hit 40, he hit times that even some regionally elite athletes could only dream about. Matt’s personality, though, made his success all the more heartwarming. He was competitive on a race course — the only time I didn’t see him smile was as he grimaced and grunted towards a finish line — but your friend before, during and after.
Matt became an inspiration in the Chambersburg-Hagerstown running community. As he nursed an injury that prevented him from running, Matt reached out to help others achieve their best.
Matt was one to always see the big picture, even if his place was in the back.
But there’s the aftermath of Matt’s death. There are so many unanswered questions. I’m far enough removed from his inner circle of friends that I wonder even if I should feel guilty about having the questions, as perhaps I’m not deserving of the answers. I don’t even know if anyone has them.
I was at the finish line of a race in Frostburg, Md., on Sunday morning when I learned what had happened. A runner who often cites a lack of sleep as a major factor when choosing a race crossed the line and said he’d had only one hour of sleep. I smiled. Typical him. Then he mentioned a friend had committed suicide. Then he mentioned Matt’s name … I had to ask him to repeat it; no, it couldn’t be that Matt.
The runner said Matt had ridden his bike around during a race on Saturday morning, cheering on friends one last time. He took his life shortly after that race. I really don’t know what others saw in my reaction. I don’t remember myself. I remember thinking, “why is this runner telling me this here and now?” As my emotions calmed, however, I realized it was his first chance to tell me — and I was grateful to know, even if it was horrible news. Besides, is there any good way to deliver or receive this type of news? Probably not.
There is a memorial service for Matt near his home this Saturday. I won’t be able to be there, but my thoughts won’t be anywhere else. As I run on Saturday, my miles will be dedicated to him, but I won’t slack off any. Those miles also will be intended to make me a better runner. After all, that’s exactly what Matt would expect.
Kevin Spradlin lives and trains on the country roads in and around Richmond County. Feel free to wave as he and fellow Mangum Track Club members pass through your neighborhood.