Heid: First Mate John and the Dread Baby Charlie

john’s mom works by Jess Heid

john’s mom works
by Jess Heid

The mind of a child is a remarkable place. For some reason, this morning John woke up with the notion that we would all be pirates.

John established his role as First Mate within moments of waking. “You have to be the captain, Mommy. You’re big. I’m just little and Charlie’s a baby.”

I took my esteemed role as Captain Mommy very seriously, of course. After all, it takes a good captain to get a ship up and running and keep a scurvy crew in line.

With a goodly number of “arrrrghs” and “me hearties,” First Mate John managed to perform his morning routine, complete with the successful application of underpants and clothing. A little captain assistance and the shoes were on and ready to go.

“Let’s go get Baby Mate Charlie!” cried my first mate.

Onward to the baby’s room, where a fresh diaper and a little milk had our crew ready and raring to go.

We had just one more stop to make: navigate the farewells to Second Mate Daddy. On winged feet (or hands and knees, in the case of the re-dubbed Dread Baby Charlie), we braved the rough waters of the stairway and fought our way against the native beast Buddy the dog to make our way to Second Mate Daddy’s lair.

Kisses and hugs disbursed, we piled into the pirate ship in the garage. “I’ll raise the anchor, Captain Mommy!” said my enthusiastic First Mate.

“Sounds great,” I responded, “Can Dread Baby Charlie hoist the top sail?”

“Aye aye, we’ll do it as a pirate team, Captain Mommy!” came the reply.

And the pirate ship set sail for pirate school, where the maties scrambled happily to their classrooms to begin their days.

Filed in: Latest Headlines, Opinion

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